So We've Landed in Holland...

When we started our medical journey with Luca, I went on my own personal journey of seeking out all the information I could possibly absorb. I started reading books by parents of children with special needs. I started reading blogs. Listening to podcasts. Reading articles. I craved learning (and still do!) from the people who’ve walked before me to help me better understand this road that I’m on. 

One of the podcasts that I stumbled upon is called Embracing Holland. It came up in a podcast search for “special needs parents podcasts” and I didn’t really get the name until I started listening to the first episode. 

The podcast title is based on an essay titled “Welcome to Holland” which was written in 1987 by Emily Kingsley. She wrote the essay to help explain what it’s like raising a child with a disability. 

Here’s the essay:

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

When we found out we were pregnant with Luca, we started packing our bags for “Italy”. We started dreaming about what our life was going to look like with him. We envisioned seeing his first steps, helping him learn to tie his shoes and dancing with him on his wedding day. We read the Italy travel guides front-to-back, not really thinking much about the possibility we could land somewhere else. 

But now we’ve found ourselves in Holland. A place that’s much more foreign to us, but is quickly starting to feel like home. We’re learning that it’s equally beautiful here in Holland. It’s still so much fun in Holland. But it’ll never be the same as what we anticipated and dreamt about. Some aspects are the same, yes, but we’ll always and forever be in Holland. 

Now we’re not really sure what our lives will look like in the future. Will I see Luca take his first steps? Help him learn to tie his shoes? Will I dance with him on his wedding day? These are all still things we hope and pray for, but the path in front of us here in Holland isn’t as clear as the map we studied of Italy. 

But if being in Holland means having my little dude, I don’t want to be anywhere else. He brings so much joy and love into our lives. He’s been the best reminder to me that even if you have your heart set on Italy, you can still have the best time of your life in Holland. It might take a little time to adapt and shift to this new world, but it might just be even better than what you planned for.